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I’ve spent years talking to men about their relationship problems, and one thing keeps on coming up time and time again: if a girl is difficult, it’s not going to get any easier. It doesn’t matter if you sleep with her, it doesn’t matter if you get into a relationship with her, it’s still going to be difficult until you show her that you have the power to walk away on her and mean it.
Case Study: Fight Fire with Fire
When Neil met Gretchen outside her apartment, he could tell straight away that she was in a bad mood. As usual, whenever Gretchen was upset her face was the picture of misery.
“Are you okay?” Neil asked as he came up beside her.
“I’m fine,” Gretchen replied.
“Would you like to go for a walk?”
“Sure,” Gretchen said. As they walked to the park, Gretchen told Neil how she had done yoga a couple of days ago and would try pilates next week.
“That’s awesome,” Neil said. “You’re putting me to shame, you’re so healthy.”
“Why do you keep talking about my health?”
Neil looked confused. “I’m not.”
“You asked me how I’m feeling, now you’re telling me I’m healthy.”
“I only asked because you told me you weren’t feeling well the other day.”
“Don’t talk about my health,” Gretchen snapped.
Neil had seen Gretchen act this way before and he knew it didn’t bode well for the rest of the day. The last time Gretchen had acted this way, she had spent the whole day chewing him out. Neil didn’t want to experience a repeat of that all over again, so Neil did what he thought was best and told Gretchen he “didn’t mean anything by it, it was just a harmless comment.” Neil then proceeded to spend the next couple of hours trying to talk Gretchen into a state of happiness, but nothing he said or did seemed to lighten her mood or make her feel any better.
* * *
Six months later, Neil was gone and Gretchen was in a relationship with Sean.
One afternoon, while Gretchen and Sean were having coffee, Sean asked Gretchen if she was feeling better. Gretchen had been sick for a couple of days and Sean wanted to make sure she was okay.
“I’m fine,” Gretchen said, sipping her coffee.
“You sure?”
“I said I’m fine,” Gretchen snapped.
“Relax, I was just making sure you’re okay.”
“Well, don’t, it makes you sound stupid.”
Fortunately, Sean had seen this kind of behavior before. He got up from the table and flashed Gretchen a smile. “You’ll get the check, right?” And with that, he was gone. Sean knew there was nothing he could say to make Gretchen happy. And he knew she would spend the next couple of hours being rude and there was nothing he could do about it except mirror her emotions and withdraw from the situation. Actions, after all, speak louder than words.
As Sean walked out of the diner, Gretchen got up and followed him out the door. “Where are you going?” she yelled.
“I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Are you mad at me? I didn’t do anything.”
“See ya,” Sean said as he crossed the street. The way Sean saw it he was a busy guy. He had his own business, he loved to workout, and he had options with women. He didn’t have time to waste on women who were rude and disrespectful.
* * *
Gretchen didn’t contact Sean for the rest of the day, and Sean didn’t contact her either. It was a classic standoff. Gretchen, however, was bristling with anxiety. Will I ever see him again? Is this it? What was I thinking? Why did I have to get so upset over nothing? she thought.
Later that night, Gretchen checked her phone… still no message from Sean. Unable to contain her anxiety any longer, Gretchen typed out a message and sent it to Sean: “Hey, I’m sorry about before. Are you okay?”
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If you want to maintain attraction with a woman, right from the moment you first meet her all the way through to a long-term relationship, then I highly recommend you get a copy of my book Atomic Attraction.
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Trust yourself and trust the process,
Chris Canwell
