LYRICS:
Kairi washes up on the shore
Completely unaware of what the heck is in store
Then Destiny Islands blows up from the war
Of the Heartless little evil guys that run on all fours
I'm already lost, who are these people and places?
I'll tell you later, buddy, I'm already off to the races
I'm now in Traverse Town with Goofy and Donald Duck
From the Disney movies? What exactly the fuck?
I'm a Keyblade wielder, and they need my ability
Sealing keyholes of worlds, restoring all the tranquility
This is not making sense
It's a little hard to follow
Everything will come together in the Bastion of Hollow
Let me get this straight, it's Mickey Mouse and you
With all your Heartless friends defending all that's true
Now it is your destiny to cut up a bunch of keys
'Cause this is Final Fantasy
So I'm looking for Riku while I'm out on my quest
Do I know him? He's my best friend, hashtag blessed
Well, actually, he's evil, it was just a facade
Now he's my arch enemy
Oh my fucking God
Now we are travelling to Hollow Bastion we go
Run into Riku, oh, no
Possessed by Ansem, and so
He's after Princess Kairi, and then I really try to be
A hero, so I die to free her heart that's deep inside of me
Tell me why Ansem even wants Kairi
Why is the princess human if a mouse is king?
Are you some kind of buccaneer?
If you died, how are you here?
Please kill me with the nearest spear
Oh, I'll clear it up
So I turned into a Heartless, then brought back by Kairi's power
We escaped to the end of the world, a place that's really dour
Ansem followed us there 'cause his plan finally starts to flower
As Kingdom Hearts appears making every person quake and cower
What is Kingdom Hearts?
It's a door, and also a moon
But there's another one, and it's a moon, but not like the first moon
Anyway, Ansem thinks that Kingdom Hearts has tonnes of bad stuff
But it opens, and he melts from all the goodness
That's tough
Then we find out it's a doorway venting evil fast
But it was filled with light and stuff
It's better not to ask
Me and Mickey Mouse sealed up the door from both sides with our keys
And that's the basic premise of my game, no questions, please
My God, this plot is all that I can take
I want to cry and jerk off into some pancakes
But I must swallow all the hate
I give up, this is my fate
As host of Talking Video Games
