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Director and editor: Owain Emyr Morgan
Set Assistant: Tomos Morgan
Narrative consultant: Jordan Mitchell

'loner" written, recorded, produced & mixed by Night Tapes
Night Tapes is Max Doohan, Sam Richards & Iiris Vesik

Iiris is wearing a white top and a white skirt by Holly M.Z - @hmz_wip on instagram

loner lyrics

I’ve been searching for so long
For the truth
Call me up
Could you see me through?

All I ever wanted was to do as I wanted
All I ever wanted was to feel free

To be all you wanted
To be made of dreams
Loner, come on over
Show me how to heal

All I had to do was ask you
To stay here with me
All I knew how to be was lonely
In my memories

Just a loner
Come on over for me
Just a loner
As I craft her
To be made of dreams

Dreams
Dreams
Dreams
Dreams

-

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#nighttapes #loner
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I think having your own room should be a human right. I didn’t have my own room until I was 16 & once I had one, I became more productive creatively. not only could I just be with myself, but I could project my inner world to my outer world in an immediate way. to play/practice music in your room - what a dream.

I come from a lineage of hermits. alone is how I charge my batteries & organize my inner self. but I have a tendency to hide. I guess I developed a desire to be the best self around everyone and if I couldn’t feel up to it, I would just hide.

Sarte has said:: “hell is other people” & I truly felt that. tides of shyness would explode over me and I just felt so painfully other. as if surrounded by invisible walls I felt that I was just watching all the interactions, pondering if the things I would say would be ok. but mostly I would just think for so long that I would say nothing & show nothing.

it’s a lonely feeling when you can’t show your real self to others. maybe because of the fear that they won’t accept you as you are - maybe you’re actually too loud? too intense? too vivid? but to be genuinely in the moment & not thinking always- even at the risk of being disliked is also the way to be found by the people you really vibe with.

life pushed me to change when I moved to London from Tallinn. I found a new version of myself that speaks a different language and is less afraid of humans & the World because I was forced to interact. can’t say that the transition was easy though. I feel it’s very true that it is in the darkest of night that the seeds of a new life & a new self are planted. I just couldn’t keep on isolating myself - things were not going the way that I had planned & I was forced to put myself into uncomfortable situations. I was far away from home, from family & the friends I had known & on the brink of a life that was new & foreign to me. It got too lonely even for a loner. it was for the best. I can actually talk to people now. & even even express it when I don’t agree with stuff.

so if anyone shy here is pondering, if to go on an adventure. I really recommend it.

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