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A life uncolored.


Hi again, so I disappeared for a month recently and I feel like I’m ready to give proper explanation. You see, over the years I’ve written a lot of things in these description boxes as if it were some sort of public diary so it feels natural to talk about it here.

More than it seems, I struggle a lot to keep up appearances and restrain myself from talking too honestly. The reality is that I fight depression every day but do my best to keep the breakdowns quiet. Honestly, I feel like I spend most of my time trying to go unnoticed just to avoid unnecessary worrying. Because the reality of depression is that it gets old. Nobody wants to be around a person who gets sad all the time. There's too much blaming and trying to find a reason when their is none. Being depressed and also being loved has a complicated relationship too. You suffer so they suffer but then that just adds to your own suffering again. I really hated causing so much trouble all the time, but I realize now that it's necessary. People who truly care for you want to share that pain. They need to or else you deny them that closeness and love.

As much as you hate yourself, your loved ones still want to be there for you. Allow them that.

Anyway, it's just an important lesson I'm trying to learn. I'm back after a month of troubles to sing a Nekobolo song that I feel isn't always understood fully. It's not just about suicide but it's up to you to interpret it beyond that point.

ORIGINAL CREDITS:
✦ Original: [ Ссылка ]
✦ Music/Lyrics: Nekobolo
✦ Fan PV: Mari [ Ссылка ]

COVER CREDITS:
✦ Vocals/Mix/Subs: Juby
✦ Translation Ref: zcatcracker


ⓐⓛⓛ ⓜⓨ ⓛⓨⓡⓘⓒⓢ ⓐⓡⓔ ⓕⓡⓔⓔ ⓣⓞ ⓤⓢⓔ

----Contact Me----

✧ ғᴀᴄᴇʙᴏᴏᴋ
[ Ссылка ]

✧ ᴛᴡɪᴛᴛᴇʀ
@JubyPhonic_P

✧ ᴇᴍᴀɪʟ
jubyphonics@gmail.com


-----Mp3 Links-----

✧ ᴅᴏᴡɴʟᴏᴀᴅ ɪᴛ
[ Ссылка ]

--------LYRICS————

I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can
I wanna be the person that you think that I am
But even if I had it all come true like a dream
Is the person I came to be the really real me?


So young and simple, wishing like things would come true
Now as I am, I understand it’s best I die and soon


Just by living I’m hurting them another day
Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything
Nobody wanted me, no one there to need
If only I could live in that kind of world I dreamed


Just by leaving I’m helping them another day
Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything
Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see
Things like that would never happen for me


Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through
Like this I’ll fade without a trace, it’s for the best I do


Just by living I’m nothing for another day
Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything
Nobody wanted me, no one there to need
Why would I wanna live in the kind of world I see?


Just by leaving I’m no one for another day
Hundred lives, never changing them or anything
Nobody there to scream, no more being mean to me
Then could I have it all back in one piece?


In the end, we’ll fall to the ground again
Over and over and never get up
In the end, the person they made in me
Breaking and breaking and never pick up
In the end, we’re leaving it all again
Over and over and never wake up


Just by living I’m bringing you another day
Why, just for me, can you smile after everything?


In the end, the smile you give to me
Right when I wanted to give it all up
And I really do wish that I didn’t
And all of the moments I tried
Just to die said goodbye


Just by leaving I’m no one for another day
Hundred lives, never changing them or anything
Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me
Why can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?

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