Avoiding Unrealistic Expectations and Disappointments
[Life Principle 4]
In life people and circumstances rarely live up to our expectations of them. The higher our expectations about people and circumstances, the higher our chances of getting disappointed. Most of the times what hurts us is not the circumstances or the people but our own expectations about them. We create our own disappointments through exaggerated and unrealistic expectations.
How many contestants on America’s got talent, get disappointed and throw temper tantrums when they are not selected for the next round. Sometimes the contestants even resort to verbally abusing the judges for not acting according to their expectations.
They were not prepared to hear anything other than what they had expected. Their one sided expectations bring them further shame when they respond to rejection with verbal abuse and anger. On the other hand those with realistic expectations can avoid such circumstances. They are ready to accept positive or negative feedback with composure. They are ready to say "thank you" and step off the stage whatever the feedback might be.
So having realistic expectations is an essential skill that we must learn in order to not lose our composure in the face of disappointments. Once we learn and develop this skill we can avoid many disappointments in life.
A realistic expectation is an expectation that takes in to consideration both negative and positive aspects of an event. When you picture only the negative aspects that surround an event you are being pessimistic. And when you picture only the positive aspects of an event you are being optimistic. But if you can take in to account both negative and positive aspects of an event you can be realistic. And you can form realistic expectations.
In his diary, roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote "when you wake up in the morning, tell yourself the people I deal with today might be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest and jealous". This is how the emperor prepared himself for negative circumstances and people that he might encounter throughout the day. He prepared himself beforehand so that if he met them, he won’t be unsettled by them.
So the next time, when you are preparing yourself for something, make sure to create a balanced set of realistic expectations. Don’t expect that everything will go as you expect them and don’t expect that everything will not go as you expect them either. That means for instance if you are planning to go to the supermarket, be prepared for disappointments that you might encounter on the way and in the supermarket itself. There might be traffic, slow drivers, long queues, out of stock items, vehicle breakdowns, declined credit cards or there might be none of those.
After taking into consideration both spectrums of possibilities be ready to face anything. And then go with the flow in harmony with events. That way you will be already prepared for whatever might come your way and you can face it with composure.
[Supplemented Commentary on the Enchiridion of Epictetus - 'Zen & Stoic Life Principles Series’ Episode 4] Complete Series Available Here: [ Ссылка ]
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