All I want for Christmas:
Peter:
Jessica Biel and Megan Fox
Wearin' nothin' but their socks
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Brian:
"Well, that's just not practical."
Lois:
Spending a week in Mexico
With some black guys and some blow
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Peter:
"Aw, that sounds terrific. How about you, kids?"
Chris:
I would like a pair of skates,
Then I'd go out skating,
But I really don't know how to skate.
Ha-ha!
Meg:
I want a Lexus all in pink
And a dad who doesn't drink.
Peter:
Oh, and that reminds me
Twelve kegs of beer!
The Griffins (except Brian and Stewie):
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Brian:
"Santa's got his work cut out for him."
Peter:
"Oh, we ain't even gotten started yet."
Lois:
I wanna tour the Spanish coast...
Peter:
Lunch with Michael Landon's ghost...
Peter and Lois:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Lois:
"Wait, what?"
Peter:
"Forget it. Keep goin'."
Chris:
Jennifer Garner in my bed...
Meg:
Softer voices in my head...
Chris and Meg:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Stewie:
Yellow cake uranium.
Never mind the reason.
Also Chutes and Ladders and a ball.
[Laughs.]
Brian:
Doesn't this seem like too much stuff?
Peter:
Poo on you!
It's not enough!
Stewie:
Buddy boy, I got your Christmas
Right here!
The Griffins:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Brian:
"I'm just saying it seems a bit excessive."
Lois:
"Oh, get off your soapbox, Brian, it's Christmas!"
Peter:
"And Christmas is about gettin'. Everyone in town knows that."
Quagmire:
Japanese girls with no restraint
Just to choke me when I faint
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
"Ooh, giggity!"
Bonnie:
Platinum-plated silverware
Joe:
Just one day when kids don't stare...
Bonnie and Joe:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Mort:
If you put a Christmas tree
In the public airport,
I will go to court and sue your ass!
"Happy holiday!"
Mayor Adam West:
Wouldn't I love a Tinkertoy?
Herbert:
And a little drummer boy.
He can even tap his drum on my rear.
Quahog Residents:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Tom Tucker:
I want a golden mustache comb.
Angela:
And some spermicidal foam.
Tom Tucker and Angela:
That's all I really want for Christmas this year.
Carter:
I want a brand new pitching wedge.
Consuela:
I would like more Lemon Pledge.
Carter and Consuela:
That's all I really want for Christmas this year.
Bruce:
I just want a wedding ring
From someone named Jeffrey.
Jillian:
I just want some colored Easter eggs.
Carl:
I want a Blu-ray of The Wiz.
Foreign Guy #1
We don't know what "Christmas" is.
Foreign Guy #2
We have something else called "kishkev fufleer(?)".
Everyone:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Christmas Time is killing us:
Santa: Each bell would peel with a silvery zeal As the holiday feeling was filling us. But now instead, all we're feeling is dread Because Christmastime is killing us!
Elves: Each Christmas list gets us more and more pissed Till the thought of existence is chilling us.
Santa: I'll tell you what. Shove your list up your butt, because... Santa and
Elves: Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie: But can't you see that what you do Is a dream come true? Can't you see that every smile Makes it all worthwhile?
Santa: No, screw you! It's all but through, There's too much to do. All those dreams are nightmares And blank icy stares. Each little elf used to fill up a shelf Making playthings and selflessly thrilling us. Now they're on crack and it feels like Iraq Because Christamstime is killing us! Elves: Each model train only heightens the pain Of the workload that's straining and drilling us.
Santa: Fingers all bleed. And look! That guy just peed Because Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie: But can't you see our point of view? We rely on you. Can't you see that Christmas cheer Gets us through the year?
Santa: My whole crew is black and blue. Can't you take a clue? You may think I look great, But I'm twenty-eight!
Santa and Elves: Each jingle-bell is a requiem knell, And while you think it's swell, we are toiling in Hell!
Santa: Take a look, you can tell, as a man, I'm a shell!
Santa and Elves: Because Christmastime is killing us! Killing us! Christmastime is killing us!
