Danielle Sirianni-Molnar
Associate Professor, Child and Youth Studies
Faculty of Social Sciences
A lot of people, when they say they are perfectionistic, they think that there’s only one type, but there’s actually two. The first type is perfectionistic strivings. These are people who tend to have incredibly high perfectionistic standards, not striving for excellence, but demanding absolute perfection from the self. They set these standards for themselves and they tend to be highly self-critical, whereas the other type of perfectionism (is) perfectionistic concerns. This is more about fearing failure, avoiding any type of mistake, being highly critical of the self, but also with a lot of effort put on other peoples’ evaluations, consistent worry about other peoples’ standards. Often times these people actually perceive that the perfectionistic standards are being imposed upon them by others rather than generated from themselves. So, really big difference in the two types. However, that being said, they are related: people who tend to be high on one also tend to be high on the other.
I would recommend things such as positive re-framing, being optimistic, it’s not the end of the world. Disengage from that black-and-white thinking: it’s just one hiccup down the road, and kind-of try to push the self forward. Also, developing some self-compassion and acceptance, giving yourself a pat on the back, seeking out social support, because generally speaking, others tend to be a lot more accepting of ourselves than we tend to be, especially if you’re high on perfectionism.
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