Sad Song #3 -- "Thought You'd Be Here" by Wes King

No song on earth has made me cry more than this one. It was so relevant to my life. The secret suffering that occurs in those of us who suffer from infertility is a pain like nothing I have ever known before. Imagine knowing that you have the desire and the ability to raise up a child of your own flesh and blood, and yet you are prevented from doing so by the same body that houses this love and desire. And all the while you see careless, immature, and irresponsible people who don't have any such problem with this. You watch friends, good people, get pregnant. And you're genuinely happy for them...and also insanely jealous. The kind of jealousy that just makes you feel that much more alone and flawed. It's easy to become convinced that nothing in life will ever go right when the most important wish in your life is repeatedly denied. When my wife and I first attempted in vitro fertilization, it failed. I wasn't surprised. But I was the one who fielded the phone call when they told me that Lisa was pregnant after we attempted in vitro the second time, and I wept uncontrollably. For the first time in a long while, I felt like a somebody again. Something finally went my way for a change. I haven't forgotten though. There are many others who never realized my dream. Pray for those people, even if you don't know who they are. They are out there, and they are suffering horribly. God loves them, and they don't always think that He loves them. It's one of the worst feelings I can describe.

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