How will you mother yourself this mother’s day?

on the eve of Mother’s day - obligatory flowers sent on automatic and cheesy hallmark cards i want to explore with you a different perspective on mothering and how to use what can be a difficult time to heal some of the mother wounds.

I will also answer as best i can any questions you have including some that you asked in the last video i did on how to recover from the unavailable mother.

so firstly please comment below on what mothers day brings up for you

and How will you mother yourself this mother’s day?

It is one of those tough questions to ask because why should we have to grow our child parts, why is there so much upset and pain and abandonment that perhaps our mothers did not do it. why should we have to do it - how can we cultivate a sense of worthiness for ourselves with all the messed up confusing stuff about who we are without our mothers?
We can start to trust we are worthy because we chose to be the daughters of mothers.
The mother wound isn’t something we need to avoid or feel shame about, it’s a doorway to our full power and potential.”

“There have been so many times I have seen a man wanting to weep but instead beat his heart until it was unconscious.”

i have seen so many times a woman wanting to weep but instead numb out and abandoned themselves until they are exhausted from the effort of looking for themselves

My work of helping sensitive, kind women heal from unresolved trauma that is often rooted in their mother/ father wound is to help women get out of this cycle of shame, self-blame, toxic self abuse in judgment and not enoughness so they can do the necessary grieving to finally return to trust and claim the power and potential of their own lives.

Part of the Trust process I share in my work is really about looking at what women want to cultivate in mothering themselves and reach for joy. It happens In the waiting room of thing with this deep, existential grief so that you can finally be initiated into the freedom and creativity of enjoying your own life. It is there is belonging to ourselves first that ultimately the layers of pain and grief gives way to genuine compassion and appreciation for our mothers and the mothers before her.
Self-care can be very challenging for women. So many of us have watched our mothers be depleted and deprived on many levels. Giving to ourselves can cause guilt or shame. Many women I talk to are often unsure how to actually mother themselves. They are unclear on what "mothering" really is and how to give themselves what they never received. 

The taboo of the mother wound has long stalled the process of healing women individually and collectively. It's important that we see the truth however uncomfortable, that healing the mother wound is NOT mother blame. It is an essential part of being a conscious, mature adult.  In fact, healing the mother wound (and not passing it on to the next generation) is the ultimate expression of maturity and personal responsibility. 

 a mother who has been deeply deprived herself, helping her children survive a cold and inhospitable world, with no valid place to process her own feelings has been our ancestral inheritance. I see if everywhere as I have worked with women heal from the trauma of living through wars in their country of origin and the impact of ptsd where war returned to their homes

For women maybe you can relate to a degree of this soul loss where if you were raised by a mother who put her needs aside to put food on the table and keep her kids safe, clothed and warm, taking care of herself in her hyper vigilant nervous system would seem extremely dangerous.

This kind of mother, in her extreme form, would have created coping mechanisms to make sure that opportunity never came.
My mother lost her mother at the tender age of 15, she saw her die in front of her……


growing up my mother was always busy with something, emotionally withdrawn, somewhat ambivalent extremely self sufficient never relying on anyone especially my alcoholic absent father…… i learnt a lot from her about how tit are care of myself- which caused me to feel isolated and separate in my over achieving perfectionism

She abhors rest, freedom, and vulnerability because her deprivation goes very deep. Her children's natural exuberance, joy and innocence may trigger her unprocessed pain and unconscious rage about the losses she has incurred. 

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