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"I've got a little list!"
Ko-Ko is the Lord High Executioner and reveals that he keeps a list of victims ready for execution if anyone ever makes him really kill someone.

Ko-Ko
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list – I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed – who never would be missed!

There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs–
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs –
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with ‘em flat –
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that –

And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist –
They’d none of ‘em be missed – they’d none of ‘em be missed!

Chorus
He’s got ‘em on the list – he’s got ‘em on the list;
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed – they’ll none of ‘em be missed!

Ko-Ko
There’s the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist – I’ve got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed – they never would be missed!

Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who doesn’t think she dances, but would rather like to try;

And that singular anomaly, the critic dramatist
I don’t think she’d be missed – I’m sure she’ll not be missed!
Chorus He’s got her on the list – he’s got her on the list;
And I don’t think she’ll be missed – I’m sure she’ll not be missed!

Ko-Ko
And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The Judicial humorist – I’ve got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clown of private life –
They’d none of ‘em be missed – they’d none of ‘em be missed!

And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
Such as – What d’ye call him – Thing’eme-bob, and
likewise – never mind,

And ‘ST–‘st–‘st– and What’s-his-name, and also You-know-who-
The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you.

But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,
For they’d none of ‘em be missed – they’d none of ‘em be missed!

Chorus
You may put ‘em on the list – you may put ‘em on the list;
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed – they’ll none of ‘em be missed!

Richard Halton, baritone
Czech Symphony Orchestra
The Holst Singers
John Landor

A Musical Concepts production

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