"Dear Diary,
Trades are scary when Daddy's not around to tell you that it will all be fine. When I got traded to Phoenix verybody was sending me text messages and it was too much so I went into the bathroom and cried even though there was a part of me that was happy because it means that I don't have to be on the team with John who hates everybody and has no friends. He's super mean.
But then Phoenix "cut" me. That means that I wouldn't have a team to play on anymore. My agent told me that I "wasn't in their long term plans", but I don't know what means. I'm good at basketball. Their plan should be to have good basketball players like me. I told Daddy in a text message to call Phoenix and tell them to trade me again back to the Clippers, but he said that once I got cut they couldn't trade me. Then I told Daddy that he could have me on the Clippers again, but he didn't reply to that one. That made me sad. I thought Dads were supposed to love their sons forever.
When I didn't have a team, I was really sad and cried every day. I don't know how to do anything except play basketball. If I had to get a job in a supermarket I would hate it and people would make fun of me for not knowing anything.
But what I hate more is being on a team with Chris Paul. He's a poopy-pants baby and I hate him. When I found out that the Rockets wanted me to play on their team I told my agent that I would rather play in the G-League, which Dwight told me is where bad players go to be bad. I'd rather be a bad player than have to play with Chris because Chris takes away my minutes and is a stupid crybaby.
I guess it's okay because that stupid diaper-baby Chris is injured right now. He probably hurt his thumb from sucking on it so much. So now I get to be the starter and Coach Mike says all I have to do is score and not pass because the Beard Man will do all the passing. That's good. I'm not good at passing. Scoring is way more fun!
Hopefully Chris is injured so bad he dies. Then I think I'll like Houston. Thanks for listening, Mr. Diary. You never laugh at me or call me stupid."
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