Poem by Richard Stoltzfoos

Deus propitius esto mihi peccatori
I am the very model of an educated Mennonite, I've read the works of Lewis and I know the books of
N.T. Wright,
I have a couple children and I'm raising them on Dutch and Greek,
When talking with Republicans my words are always tongue-in-cheek.
I think folks reading Tolkien more would benefit the common good,
I've been to college seven years and haven't left the brotherhood.
I think if you're not learning more, it's basically a moral sin;
I'd rather not be strict about the universe's origin.
I parley with a reasoned middle course on any quodlibet,
And make the hymnal's wording theologically appropriate.
In short, in matters Biblical, ecclesial, and erudite, I am the very model of an educated Mennonite.
I read some K.A. Smith each night to help my mind recuperate,
I demonstrate my wisdom by the books that I accumulate,
I like the way the Bible Project stimulates my intellect, I've got some reservations on the danger of the Internet.
With women's rights and gender pronouns I'm inclined to coexist,
I think that Christian charity is by its nature socialist.
I'm tolerant of Catholics, and I'm snobby to the Protestants;
I listen to some Peterson and view it as reconnaissance.
I've humanistic sympathies and call myself a hedonist, I'd rather keep an open mind than try to be a legalist, In short, in matters Biblical, ecclesial, and erudite, I am the very model of an educated Mennonite.
I'm fond of our tradition yet I'm glad I'm not an Amishman.
I'll use the number three and love to baffle a Muhammadan,
I give my soul to Beauty 'cause it's basically Divinity, And organize my chores in threes to imitate the Trinity.
luse small words in talks for greater comprehensibility, I give spontaneous lectures on the value of humility, And I can tell a gnostic from a Marcionite or Manichee;
I do some manual labor cause it's good for my humanity.
I read shape notes in four-part songs; I'm pretty good at volleyball.
I'd rather if communion supper used a form of alcohol, But still, in matters Biblical, ecclesial, and erudite, I am the very model of an educated Mennonite.

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