In a stunning rebuke of Leo Karpatze, the Poet Laureate of the West slams the Monster Mash with his rebuttal response poem — "Monster Trash: A Response Poem To Monster Mash, Which Can Be Sung To The Tune Of Monster Mash, By Dalton Wilcox Meaning That This Song — Poem — Is By Dalton Wilcox, Not Monster Mash Which is By Some Other Son Of A Bitch — Leo Karpatze" by Dalton Wilcox.

Originally aired 11/1/21. Jason Mantzoukas & Andy Daly.

First of all you started off your song
By admitting that you made a monster — that's wrong!
You're singing about it, but you oughta be ashamed
Just think of all the cowboys that could end up getting maimed!

Verse
Your song is trash, your song is Monster Trash
It's Monster Trash, and it curls my mustache
It's Monster Trash, it's like a bad saddle rash
It's Monster Trash, your song is Monster Trash

Your second verse really made me fume
You let vampires feast in your master bedroom?
They're feasting on cowboys, you sonuvabitch!
I'd like to shoot you in the liver and leave you in a ditch

Verse

Then you talk about Dracula and his son
And that is when I more or less came all the way undone
If the goddamn vampires are learning how to breed
Then the cowboys of the west are fucked guaranteed!

Can a vampire only mate with one of his kind?
Or are they coming for our women which would make me lose my mind
You don't address that matter, guess you didn't have the chance
Cause all you want to talk about is how the monsters dance

Verse

So here comes the backlash

Now everything's cool! I'm not really that mad
I love hearing 'bout the fun all them monsters had
Hell, stop on by the ranch, I'll lay out a party spread
We'll dance around and drink some punch and then you'll all be dead

Your song is trash, your song is Monster Trash
It's Monster Trash, and here's my weapons cache
It's Monster Trash, how 'bout a wooden stake gash?
It's Monster Trash, your song is Monster Trash

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