Peter Parker passes out after getting bit by a Bill O'Reilly spider, and Uncle Ben shines a light out of his a*s. Meanwhile, Norman Osborne drinks a Red Bull and goes crazy. Peter wakes up to realize the spider bite has given him a big d*ck, and also turned him into one, because he crashes the bus. Flash reveals his low self esteem, and Peter dramatically puts a Spongebob meme sticker on the wall. Peter also puts his aunt in the hospital, and watches his uncle die in a car crash, but doesn't care, because he's busy robbing the p*rno shooting place for car money. He then continues his douchebagery by kicking Harry, and making breakfast in a burning building instead of saving a baby. When JJJ doesn't pay Norman enough for his Spidey pictures, he goes full Green Goblin on him, then gets angry when Peter goes to sleep like he told him to. When he gets back into his room, Aunt May and everyone else see him in his costumes, which is really awkward. Then the fruitcake Aunt May prays to explodes, putting her in the hospital again, and Peter tells Norman that his father was Shazam, then kills him.

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Intro by CJMBX

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