It’s not your fault that your spouse uses porn. That is a decision they chose to make. The use of porn in a marriage, however, can severely impact and even damage it in several ways.
1. It creates secrecy. Any kind of secrecy from financial to social hurts the trust and intimacy in a relationship. Your spouse didn’t trust you with their porn secret and what their true thoughts and feelings about sexuality and sensuality. Their secret world creates distance between the two of you, especially if you’ve talked about it and they’re still choosing to maintain it. Their choice to protect and put the secrecy of their porn use over your marriage is harmful to the both of you.
2. It’s seductive. Porn gives a lot of manufactured and unrealistic ideas and situations that when reinforced through masturbation and ejaculation, creates a chemical addiction in the brain. It seduces a person into more and more different kinds of activities that can lead to strip clubs, hook up sites, prostitution, etc. Not everyone does this, but the repetition and growth of porn use can blow up into infidelity and sexual addiction by the time you find out. This can hurt you and cause intimacy anorexia (lack of intimacy), negatively impacting your relationship.
3. Porn use affects their personality. Addictions of any type keep one immature and self centered. That immaturity affects the entire marriage, how they parent, make financial decisions, choose friends based on their maturity, etc.
We have many resources that can help both men and women who struggle with this. However, it’s their choice if they want to take the next step to recovery. You can call and ask for help, get guidance, and get healing from the way pornography has impacted you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spirituality.
Pornography can impact your marriage in more than the 3 ways listed. But these 3 ways can be the beginning of having that conversation.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, “Partner Betrayal Trauma™”.
For more information on Partner Betrayal Trauma®, go to [ Ссылка ]
For the Partners Healing From His Addiction, visit: [ Ссылка ]
For more information on Sex Addiction, go to www.sexaddict.com
For information on marriage counseling and intensives, go to [ Ссылка ]
If you struggle with lust and sexualizing others, we have the books/workbooks, "The Final Freedom", "101 Freedom Exercises", "Clean: A Proven Plan for Men Committed to Sexual Integrity", and "Lust Free Living".
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For DVDs, we have "Shattering Sexualization", "Lust Free Living", and "Intrigue Addiction":
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For a full list of Dr. Doug’s products, go to [ Ссылка ]
You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, [ Ссылка ] or on his Facebook [ Ссылка ]
by phone at 719-278-3708
or through email at heart2heart@xc.org.
