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THE BALLAD OF TIM HORTON'S

If you enjoy the pain of others, listen to my story
'bout the day Tim Hortons ran out of coffee
A day that ends in sorrow and lots of suffering
I've told you how it ends, here's how it begins

Dan Dufus was promoted perhaps a bit too soon
And put in charge of ordering all the things that were consumed
He kept up on the donuts and the bagels and the soup
But forgot the coffee, which is quite an oops

CHORUS
Oh twas the morning Tim Hortons had no coffee
Oh twas the morning that had no caffeine
Oh twas the morning the world began to end
For people without coffee can be very mean

Mary Macmoomoo was standing in the line
When she went to the counter what horror did she find
She asked for a coffee and when told there was no more
She yelled out "what the hell d'ya think I came here for"

"They're out of goddamn coffee" she then shouted out
And people all 'round panicked and ran about
While out in the drive-through the cars were piling up
In a fruitless rush to get the last cup

CHORUS

The mob jumped o'er the counter to see what could be found
Some licked the floor others chewed on grounds
They tore the place apart because of their affliction
There's no devil worse than caffeine addiction

With heads that fiercely throbbed and with hands that twitched
The grumpy mob filled the streets trying to find a fix
But I'm sad to say, when no coffee could be found
They ripped the whole darn town right down to the ground

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