My Perception of God

My understanding of who God is has changed-evolved over the years.
When I was lost and in darkness, I had no understanding of God at all. The only thing I knew about Him is Jesus, the savior who died. That is it!
Many years ago, I hit rock bottom and came to the end of myself. I was in jail, detoxing from drugs, and facing losing custody of my children. I arrived to hell on earth, a pit, and the only way out was to surrender. I knew enough about the savior Jesus to repent and seek deliverance. That little tiny seed of faith I had was enough to move God, and He showed up in jail, and transformed my mind and gave me a new heart.

I was still hurting from shame, loss and regrets. I needed the loving, gentle side of God in the beginning of my new life in Christ. He showered me with patience, gentleness and kindness. My faith increased, I began to understand part of Him, and I was healed and built up.

Fast forward 13 years. A calamity has struck and I'm going through trial after trial. I am undergoing an extreme season of testing. The testing of my faith and self-control. Over the years I have been studying the Bible, watching many sermons, praying, fasting sometimes and practicing obedience. All these tools are greatly beneficial during the birth pains of testing.

This is a time I need strength, power and courage. God is still gentle and peaceful, but He is also Mighty, Powerful, a Warrior, a Conqueror. A gentle soft stance won't preserve me during a battle as fierce as this. The adversary is at war with me, and I need a Mighty God to step in and battle with me and for me. No, God is not soft on sin at all. He has been patiently waiting for the right time to test me. Will I obey or will I cave? Will I stand firm in the faith, or will I fall away to sin and world pleasure? Will I lay down my life or will I accept the mark of the beast? Will I let go and give up everything to follow Him?

I need all of Jesus. I need His tender side and His firm side. He is all of these and more...

Wake up church, wake up...
The bridegroom is coming.
Confess, repent, the kingdom of God is at hand.

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