Hii this is my first post on youtube! Here is audio from a podcast I got to be on called Thriving While Aching for The Global Healthy Living Foundation! I’m floored by how highly they spoke of me… my mom would be beaming if she could hear it. Lol that I forgot to mention my “aching” so I’ll mention next.❤️ TRIGGER WARNING: How my mom died was a fck you from the universe. Having a service dog is my fck you back. For 15yrs, I have been my mom’s voice. Mommy was my person, my rock, and she knew. She was always bailing me out of trouble and helped me with childhood adhd/depression/anxiety struggles until life became stage 3c ovarian, breast, and melanoma cancers for 5 years straight. She did all she could to not let it mess me up… she still worked, made us dinner, came to my swim meets, etc. When remission finally came, she flew to a cancer hospital for a routine stem cell transplant. The drs expected it to go off without a hitch and when I kept asking to visit, she said no so I wouldn’t have to see her loopy. I always think of how devastated she’d be if she knew what happened next. My sister woke me before my final exams to say mommy needed us and to pack a bag. We arrived to her hemorrhaging from every orifice. I heard nana (mommy’s mom) scream when I called to tell her and I can’t unhear it. I was the only eligible platelet donor and did it every few days til my veins were collapsing. I was too young to donate so my dad had to sign off on it. Mommy was in a medically induced coma the entire time and we were never able to talk about it. Her whole body was a swollen black bruise and her eyes were filled with blood. She fought 3 rounds of sepsis and multi-organ failure. I begged her not to die on my birthday. We spent the 3 months living in that hospital’s hotel. In that time, I heard myself scream twice before realizing it was me - once when she woke up for a few moments and was completely petrified by what was happening (I cannot imagine her fear) and again when they tried to convince us she was brain dead but she’d likely die during transfer to MRI. I ran out of that meeting and told her. I begged her to blink if she could hear me and she did, twice. She had the brain scans… she was still here and fighting. She began to stabilize as I was about to start school again, only for me to leave and have her pass the next week. It was the furthest thing from the way people peacefully die in movies and it was evil that she endured that summer only to die. I’m still in shock and I work everyday to manage the CPTSD symptoms. Mommy taught me how to live fully, regardless of health circumstances, and that’s allowed me to give kernel my best. Mommy being my mom has helped me connect with people like new grandma, who I maybe would have overlooked otherwise. She would have been hysterical knowing kernel is the dog I picked. I can hear her laugh and see her smile so perfectly. I wish you could have all met her. You would have loved her. She is the missing puzzle piece in mine and Kernel’s life. Love always, Alyssa

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