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Maybe She's Not Such A Heinous Bitch After All
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen

REBECCA:
I USED TO THINK MY MOTHER WAS THE WORST
THAT IF SHE DIDN’T KILL ME I’D KILL HER FIRST
BUT NOW BIRDS ARE SINGING
THE FLOWERS ARE PINK
YES, SPRING IS HERE
‘CAUSE I’M STARTING TO THINK THAT
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL.

BACKUP SINGERS:
MAYBE MAYBE
MAYBE MAYBE BABY BABY

REBECCA:
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL.

BACKUP SINGERS:
MAYBE MAYBE
SHE’S NICER TO HER BABY

REBECCA:
I DON’T WANT TO BASH HER HEAD IN WITH THIS CUP
IT MAY SOUND HARSH
BUT THAT’S A HUGE STEP UP.
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL.
I STILL HATE HER
DON’T GET ME WRONG.

BACKUP SINGERS:
REALLY HATE HER
GENUINELY HATE HER

REBECCA:
BUT IT’S MORE LIKE THE WAY
NORMAL GIRLS HATE THEIR MOMS.

BACKUP SINGERS:
EVERY DAUGHTER KINDA HATES THEIR MOM

REBECCA:
ALL I EVER PRAYED FOR
EVERY DAY
WAS TO RESENT MY MOTHER
IN A REGULAR WAY.
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL!

BACKUP SINGERS:
SIT BESIDE HER
SO WEIRD YOU LIVED INSIDE HER

REBECCA:
MAYBE OLD AGE HAS TAMED THIS WITCH AND MADE HER A DOLL.

BACKUP SINGERS:
BUT LIKE ONE OF THOSE
EVIL HAUNTED DOLLS

REBECCA:
SHE’S BEING SO NICE
IT FILLS MY SOUL.
FOR ONCE I DON’T WANT HER TO HAVE A CANCEROUS MOLE.

BACKUP SINGERS:
DARK!

REBECCA:
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL.
I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE
I’M FALLING IN LOVE.

BACKUP SINGERS:
IN LOVE

REBECCA:
WELL WHEN WE’RE FINDING A MATE
IT’S OUR PARENTS WE’RE THINKING OF.

BACKUP SINGERS:
THINKING OF

REBECCA:
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER WAS MY FIRST FAILED ROMANCE
NOW FINALLY THE CUTE BOY’S ASKING ME TO DANCE
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL

BACKUP SINGERS:
SAY YES
IT’S TIME TO ACQUIESCE

REBECCA:
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL

BACKUP SINGERS:
SINCE YOU WERE BORN
SHE’S NEVER MADE YOU POPCORN

REBECCA:
MAYBE SHE’S NOT SUCH A HEINOUS BITCH AFTER ALL...

BACKUP SINGERS:
OOOOOH AHHHH...

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