Matthew McConaughey has been driving an Uber before it was cool.

Starring:
Brian Flaccus
Chadwick Hopson


INT. CAR.
Matthew is driving
MATT
I’ve been driving since before it was cool. Not because is was cool, but because I’m cool. And because driving this thing is like riding a flaming Pegasus through an ocean of Hawaiian Punch. Oh and I drink of the sweet waters while choruses of Thai prostitutes clap their tiny hands and squeal my name. I stare into that cosmic mirror and realize that I.... am God.
PASSANGER
Uhhh, dude. I think you passed our drop off destination.
MATT
Naw man, we are about to drop in. Your peyote LSD should be kicking in any minute.
Passenger looks down horrified at his ‘complementary’ water.
MATT (CONT’D)
Let the vision quest begin little brother. We’re gonna find your spirit animal. Mine is a chuckwalla... (longhorn)
INT. CAR.
Matthew McConaughey Is driving a Lincoln MKZ
MATT
Funny thing about life. To most people life is this evil cunning medusa, one wrong move, and she’ll turn you to stone and bang your petrified body until it crumbles to dust. But no, Heaven's waiting on down the tracks. Take my hand. We're riding out tonight to case the promised land.
PASSANGER
Oh come on, now you’re just quoting Springsteen?
MATT
What?! No. He was quoting ME. Sheeeeiit.
INT. CAR.
Matthew is driving a female passenger
MATT
You’re beautiful you know.
She look up from her phone.
MATT (CONT’D)
A sensuous mess of a sex vixen. I’d like to drag my lips up and over everyone of those rapturous curves. Know what you feel like from the inside, Your kitten purr arouses me in ways I could only describe in Klingon...
FEMALE
What?! Seriously, not appropriate. I’m reporting you to Uber.
MATT
Get over yourself sweetheart. You ain’t the prettiest thing on the road today...
He strokes the dash.
MATT (CONT’D)
alright alright alright...
Texas Longhorn (Ultimate fail compilation vine video of sexy girls)

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