For some context, about 24 years ago, I was violated by a 'close friend' of mine and got pregnant by the encounter. I was inconsolable for months after the event. To make matters worse, I found out I was pregnant at about 20 weeks, and where I lived at the time, it was illegal to terminate after the first trimester.

My husband had really been my rock and my support during that time, and I do not know how I would have ended up if not for him. He said that I could put it up for adoption, or I could keep the child and he would raise it like our other children. I decided to not give it up for adoption, but raising the kid was hard. I am half Polish and half German and he is half German and half Russian. We both have pale skin, light hair and blue eyes, as well as being fairly tall (I'm about 178 cm or around 5'10 and he is 191 cm or about 6'3). However, our daughter Luna is about 160 cm or 5'3, has dark hair and a brown complexion like her biological father.

I often heard snide remarks about me being an unfaithful wife because it was obvious that she was not my husband's child. It was especially hard for me when Luna was young because she looked so much like her dad. My husband took care of my daughter most of the time, since I had bad flashbacks whenever I saw her face from when I was violated. As she grew up, it died down a bit, but I would still get these horrible panic attacks when I saw her wearing boys' clothes and short hair.

Since I was prone to having panic attacks, Luna ended up being closer to my husband than she was to me. Also, she often ended up getting a little more than her siblings from my husband as some sort of compensation because of me. We never told her that she was the product of a nonconsensual act, because I was too ashamed and my husband did not want her feeling different from her siblings. I often told her that me and her biological father got into an altercation and never spoke to one another ever again.

Story 1:
Update: I (50F) told my daughter (24F) that I won't attend her wedding if her biological father is there but now she says that I'm being stuck in the past.
Story 2:
Update: My daughter ran away at 17 to be with her husband. She is now 22, he is 34. I have recently found out she is pregnant and would like to try again to reach out to her. I am not sure which way would be best.

#Relationships #Parenting #Family

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