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Let me give you the real reasons why men pull away. This is about teaching you how to retain the guy as opposed to tactics to help you get the guy.
Mastering the tactics to keep the guys that you like will inevitably help you get better guys because focusing on keeping the guy will force you to see inside of yourself and will help you see the cause of why relationships keep falling.
These root causes come in a form of behavior and outcomes like if you notice that guys keep pulling away from you or if you notice that you're always having certain emotions. I will help you identify and teach you how to tackle them.
The first reason is frustration, This is when two people get in a relationship and guys keep pulling away, women get frustrated.
Frustration comes from two reasons and the first one is from parents. We've been taught how to get frustrated because we learned it from our parents. The way our parents got through things is through being frustrated.
The second one is feeling frustration from infants. We associated getting attention by expressing frustration. This works for children but not adults.
Failure is defined as an emotional feeling which develops when a goal of importance cannot be realized or some strong desire is thwarted. Chronic frustration means either that the goals you set are unrealistic or both.
The Dangers: the danger is getting used to the feeling of frustration and projecting it to the future and expects them to fail.
The imagination is the soil, the feelings are the light and that’s where Ideas and thoughts grow in.
Misdirected or excessive frustrations cause aggression. The failure type personality does not direct the aggression towards a goal, but towards people, violence, victim-blaming, complaining and self-defeat. It’s a form of learned helplessness when you can’t achieve something.
For the most part, it's an unrealistic goal
to notice the type of responses aggression creates so that you can notice it when it arises. If you're going to snap at someone, ask yourself, is this me redirecting my frustration? And just relax. This gives you the presence of mind.
This automatic response is there to help you feel better and achieve a goal, but it won’t work. So we all have this aggression inside of us, we just have to learn how to release it the right way by using meditation, sports, having compassion and writing your physical sensations of feeling.
Insecurity comes from measuring yourself with the wrong stick. We measure ourselves to an ideal self that’s not perfect and realistic.
Remove the “I should be this” “ I should have that”. You are good now, no comparison to others. That’s all superficial. Feeling or looking better than someone won’t make you happy. Their perception of you won’t change the truth that you’re nothing.
Loneliness comes from a disconnect from your real self. You have replaced yourself with an image. You thrive off this image through validation, it feels more alive, the less validation you get, the more opaque this image gets and the more it reveals your real self which you running from.
Loneliness also comes from actual loneliness. What you can is to develop social skills like sports, reading, etc. Get used to loneliness so that you can get used to the fear.
You have to learn to make mistakes, and not fear the people’s reactions because that’s where the fear of loss comes from. Realize that the more you fail and learn from it, the wiser you are. It’s one thing and hearing about someone overcoming a loss and it’s another experiencing it. There’s a difference between google maps and the real experience
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