0In this video I explain what assertiveness is and look at six ways to improve your assertive communication. You may have heard people say “You need to be more assertive!” But what exactly is assertiveness?Assertiveness involves being able to express your thoughts, feelings, needs and opinions in a direct, honest and respectful manner. An equally important part of assertiveness is respecting the thoughts, feelings and needs of other people”.
Being assertive can help you control anger, stress and improve relationships. Some people seem to be naturally assertive. But if you're not one of them, the good thing is, you can learn to be more assertive. Six tips to improve your assertive communication:
1. Get in touch with your thoughts, feelings and needs . Recognise they are important and valid. For example: Julie feels anxious at working a 60 hour week and believes her manager is taking advantage or her quiet and passive nature. She desires a more sustainable work/life balance. Julie feels anxious, which is the emotion, she believes her manager is taking advantage, which is the thought and her need is a more sustainable work life balance.
2. Focus on the problem, not the person. Stick to the issue that triggered the emotion and thoughts and don’t attacks someones character. So in my example it’s important that Julie doesn’t attack her managers character because that’s not going to get her anywhere. It important Julie addresses the problem which is working a 60 hour week.
3. Keep calm and respectful. Nobody likes to be shouted at, and the message will get lost if you start to raise your voice. This also means no eye rolling, no finger-pointing, no swearing or sighing.
4. Ask yourself what you want. What will be a good outcome here? Do you want to be heard? Do you want the other person to make a change? Do you want the situation to look different? What exactly do you want and what does this look like? So using my example, Julie wants to work a 48 hour week as per her contract, not 60 hours.
5. Use ‘I’ statements to express what you feel. For example, when talking to her manager Julie might say “I feel stressed about working a 60 hours week and I really need this to change. I’m contracted for 48 hours. My work load it too high and I feel we need another staff member”. The statement is respectful, to the point, it expresses exactly what’s going on, it doesn’t attack her manager and it expresses a desired outcome.
6. Don’t wait. It’s important you speak up straight way especially when someone is mistreating you. If you don’t address it straight away the situation can escalate and confidence and self esteem can decrease. Your’e also more likely to become angry and emotions start to fester.
🔵 CHAPTERS
0:00 Introduction
0:46 Get in touch with your thoughts, feelings and needs
1:24 Focus on the problem not the person
1:48 Keep calm and respectful
2:05 What do you want?
2:29 Use 'I' statements
3:03 Don't wait
🔵 WORK WITH ME
If you'd like to work with me, or a member of the Lewis Psychology team, please click on the links below:
☐ Lewis Psychology CIC (for face to face therapy): [ Ссылка ]
☐ Lewis Psychology Online (for online therapy): [ Ссылка ]
🔵 ABOUT TERESA LEWIS
Teresa Lewis is a Senior Accredited psychotherapist with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP Snr. Accred). Qualified in 1995, Teresa has been providing counselling and psychotherapy treatment for nearly 30 years. Teresa holds a masters degree in counselling and psychotherapy and is also an accredited mindfulness teacher. Teresa is the founder and Director of Lewis Psychology which is the only organisation in Wolverhampton to gain BACP organisational accreditation. More recently Teresa has founded Lewis Psychology Online which offers online counselling and psychotherapy treatment.
☐ Email: teresa.lewispsy@gmail.com
☐ Buy Me A Coffee: [ Ссылка ]
🔵 GRAPHICS AND THUMBNAIL
Thumbnail and B-Roll graphics designed by Teresa Lewis.
#LewisPsychology
