INFJ personality types have a hard time fitting into the mainstream, and this starts from a young age. Many INFJ personality types do not fit into their peer group in school when they are growing up, and they don’t fit into the workplace when they go into regular employment as an adult. It’s no surprise to many INFJs that they don’t fit into the mainstream, as this is something we have usually already noticed ourselves. However, it still makes us feel badly about ourselves.
INFJs are one of the types who are most focused on harmony within groups, so when we sense that our presence in a group is causing a misalignment in any way, we tend to internalize that and it causes us to feel shame. We feel that we are the problem, and that if we could only make ourselves more “normal” then everything would be better. This is why many INFJs adopt an identity that is not actually reflective of their authentic self and personality, but instead is a shield and a front to be used in groups so that they will feel that they better fit in with the group dynamic and the group structure.
However, what happens is that our real self still comes out, usually in random bursts that we can’t control. This can happen when we let our guard down with another person, or when we’re so excited by an idea that we forget to hold back our real self in a group setting. We often then will receive a shocked or disapproving reaction from others, which triggers our shame and causes us to retreat and shut down.
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