PLEASE watch this all the way through without skipping! I wanted to share the actual story of my suicide attempt on January 29, 2011. I was fifteen years old.
*All names changed to protect identities.*
Filming this took a really long time to do because it's such a heavy subject matter and I didn't know how I could possibly tell this story. I worried I wouldn't represent this part of my life correctly but there is no right way to share this story so here it is. I filmed this a year ago but every time I would sit down to edit it, I would just cry. I couldn't bring myself to edit it. But due to Coronavirus, I have a lot of free time and I actually sat down to edit it. I hope this helps someone.
I live with major depressive disorder and I am a survivor of sexual assault but I am not an expert in these subjects. I am not equipped to give anyone medical advice. I only post this to share my personal experience.
You can hear a little more about my story in this short mini doc: [ Ссылка ]
Here are a few things that helped me make my depression a little more bearable:
1. DON'T SELF-MEDICATE -- Addiction runs in my family and unfortunately I inherited a taste for self-medicating. I viewed alcohol as a way to "turn my brain off." I drank to cope with my emotions and was hospitalized many, many times for alcohol poisoning and self-harm from high school into college. I just didn't understand why I couldn't control my drinking until I accepted that it's a disease as well. Something clicked after years of trying and now I have been sober from alcohol since March 2019.
2. READING BOOKS -- If you're an escapist like me, there's nothing greater than losing yourself in a great book. Getting out of your own head. Here are some books I recommend (not necessarily about depression but some of my favorites): Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July, 10% Happier by Dan Harris, and The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak
3. HOBBIES -- Hobbies are hard for creative people like myself. I'm too competitive about them and they end up spiraling into something much bigger. A few hobbies I've enjoyed briefly are Gardening, especially herbs, Learning how to cook (with your own herbs!), Collecting tattoos (it's a great outlet, you can pay someone to stab you and leave a piece of art!), Collecting something in general (I personally collect weird animal figurines and moth related things!), but honestly I think the important part is to keep trying new hobbies, regardless of how long they last.
4. OVERSHARING -- I am very upfront about my struggles. I wear my heart on my sleeve around everyone I encounter. I tell complete strangers details about my life and it takes a huge weight off my shoulders. Sometimes I walk around and feel like i'm keeping a secret from everybody, that they don't know how dark I am inside. But when I can make a joke or mention what I've been through, it feels like I am revealing a part of myself and I am not so scared anymore.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
US: Text 741741
CA: Text 686868
UK: Text 85258
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