Why do I have to change and not the narcissist? The narcissist can’t change - or at least that is what it seems like. Either the narcissist can’t change or the narcissist wont change, but either way you are stuck in a toxic relationship with a narcissist or someone with narcissistic personality disorder. No matter what you do it seems the narcissist makes no effort to change. You ask yourself why narcissists are so mean and then appear to not even care. Why do I have to change and not the narcissist? They blame in toxic relationships and make you the problem by blame shifting, using projection, and gaslighting. If the narcissist can’t change or the narcissist wont change, you might ask the question why do I have to change and not the narcissist when the narcissist is the problem. Why do I have to change for the narcissist is a valid question and concern. Relationship problems are abundant in the narcissistic relationship and can lead to relationship problems. Narcissist blame-shifting might make it seem like you are the problem but this just how they control and manipulate. You must be the one to change because as the non-narcissistic partner you have the *ability* to change. The narcissist is incapable of change in most situations because change requires accepting blame, and this is not something the narcissist can do. The narcissist has an unstable sense of self and lacks object constancy which makes change difficult for them. You must be the one to change because you can, and you want to have something positive in the relationship and with change you can make that possible.

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