Depression sucks. The rest doesn't have to.

I know raw emotion makes some people uncomfortable, but without this video this writing-advice video series wouldn't be complete and it certainly wouldn't be honest. And if there's one thing I've wanted this series to be, it's for it to be honest.

Some of us hide parts of ourselves behind a very happy face. And we can get so good at it that we don't even realize how much we're hiding. And that's where things got really confusing for me.

It's hard for me to describe how much I've learned about myself in the last six months -- discovering how unendingly self-critical I can be, how I've been like this for years, and how draining it was and still sometimes is to try and change this behavior.

It took me two months just to realize the extent of how silently and yet unrelentingly negative I can be towards myself. Wordless whispers on 24/7 repeat of "that's not good enough," "she's doing it better than you," "you'll never catch up," "don't fuck up now." It was tortuous and then after going through all that I wanted to hate myself even more for being the source of my own unhappiness for years.

Thankfully I have a very kind and patient therapist who never doubted that I could learn to think differently -- that I could learn to be as kind and understanding towards myself as I am to any of my friends.

It's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And it's still a process.

Some of you may watch this and be confused. (In fact, I hope that's the case, because I wouldn't wish this experience of self-loathing on anyone). But others of you may watch this and recognize a thought pattern or a quiet agony you've also felt. And to those people I hope this brings some comfort. Because it's really okay to talk about this stuff and ask for help.

The bottom line of this video is that I want therapy to be something we can all talk about here. Because over the last 6 months it's made a big difference for me. Like, I'm starting to understand what being happy in a constant (and not a fleeting way) feels like and that's something I was starting to wonder if I'd ever feel.

If you want, share your experiences or questions or thoughts in the comments below. I really believe this stuff is good to talk about and I'm more than ready to talk about my experiences with it.

xoxo
Linda
(aka Ellbey)

------------------

Music:
"Robot Heart" by Valentin Sosnitskiy
[ Ссылка ]

-------------------

Other videos you might like:

How I Stopped Dating and Started Writing
(This one explains the outline of the writing-advice video project)
[ Ссылка ]

What I Missed Most About Dating
[ Ссылка ]

It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
[ Ссылка ]

Motivation and the Valentine's Day Shift
[ Ссылка ]

------------------
For those wondering about the week #s in my video titles:

It started because I wanted to make 52 videos in a year all about writing advice (as explained here: [ Ссылка ]).

I didn't make that 52-video goal in a year, but I'm going to follow through until finish all 52 and I'm hoping to finish it within 2 years (by August 2015).

--------------------

Other places you can find me:

Twitter:
[ Ссылка ]

Instagram:
[ Ссылка ]

Tumblr:
[ Ссылка ]

Facebook:
[ Ссылка ]

Vine:
[ Ссылка ]

свернуть