H. P. Lovecraft 1890–1937
“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”
I saw the above quote on a horror movie and it is so true.
We are all scared of death because we don’t know what awaits us on the other side.
So we cling to life as if it is our only chance at existence.
We believe fantasy tales of deities and creators who have all the answers to our divine questions.
We buy into the fear of the supernatural or aliens or ghosts or angels or demons or cryptoid creatures when few of us have actually experienced these types of encounters..
We search for mystical and spiritual concepts in the hope of finding a meaning or a reason for life itself.
We are literally scared to death at the idea of death.
Another ironic oxymoron.
I am realising how fear has controlled my life and how others, mainly relatives, have played on that fear in an attempt to keep their individual secrets hidden.
Some used verbal abuse and the physical threat of violence as a method of control.
Some fed me stories designed to make me scared of perpetrators so I would not speak out.
Some pointed the finger at others whilst blatantly withholding information so as to not implicate or incriminate themselves.
Some just turned their backs on me or forget about me despite all my best efforts to keep in touch or bring family together.
Some just permanently judged me in little, condescending ways designed to make me feel inferior.
Mostly they made me scared to be different.
But I allowed all of this and completely played into the family system, which I then extended to all the other systems I created in my adult life.
I’ve always thought that I was scared of so much but most of it was totally unfounded and I allowed others to take advantage of this apparent innate fear.
I could often find a voice to defend someone else but could never speak up for myself.
Scared of offending people.
But truly scared of expressing my power for fear of criticism, admonishment, punishment, retribution and ultimately ostracism.
Fear of being alone.
Too scared to try and look after myself.
Scared to be different.
I can see that the faer of being abandoned was real because it has happened.
But it was necessary for me to abandon everything and everyone so that I could learn to look after myself.
Confronting your deepest fears is inevitable.
You can either choose to face them voluntarily in this life or you will be forced to face them when you die.
I’m not scared of death and I’m not scared of being alone.
Death is unavoidable.
Being alone is peaceful.
