Nikola Pekovic had, like, two good seasons with the Wolves in his short six-year career, but they were really good seasons. He was straight-up a THROWBACK BEAST until he decided to THROW out his BACK.
Hahahaha. Get it? GET IT!?!?!?
Original description below:
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“Yo, Pek, what are you doing?”
“Do not interrupt, Kevin. I am worshiping my pagan gods so that I perform well tonight. Now I have to start over,” Pekovic said. “Perun, god of thunder, he will be displeased. I must channel his will and make it my own.”
Kevin Love shook his head and laughed. “You know that’s a bunch of hooey, right? Paganism died out because the so-called “gods” were irrelevant to the modern man. All organized religions are similarly disintegrating. We have stepped proudly into the future, shedding our superstitious beliefs to usher in a glorious era of science and reason.”
Standing up in anger, Nikola bellowed, “Heathen man. I care not whether you believe my beliefs. But do not insult the deities of my culture! Perun will punish you!”
“I doubt that. Nikola, you should take ownership of your performances, and not attribute your successes and failures to the meddling of Slavic gods.”
Nikola glared at his teammate. “You will see, Kevin.”
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Sitting, exhausted, in the locker room after the game, Kevin looked over to his teammate. “Tough loss. I guess your pagan idols couldn’t help you hit a few more shots, huh?”
“Rodnoviry lives forever! My prayers were answered, filthy westerner. Your influences may have buried Slavic paganism in the crypts of eternity, but the gods still recognize those who are worthy.”
Snickering derisively, Kevin responded, “What prayers? We lost, numbnuts!”
“I prayed for a career-high. Perun heard me. To spite your ignorant ways, I prayed also for a loss. Perun heard me again.”
“No, no, that’s not how it works. Anybody could get a career-high shooting 28 shots. And well-timed defensive lapses could easily cost us the game even if they weren’t readily apparent. Don’t assign divine influence where there was none,” Kevin explained. “You’re just seeing what you want to see, explaining away an undesirable outcome with religious nonsense.”
“Svetovid, lord of war, I summon your power to eradicate this denier!” Nikola yelled. Nothing happened.
Kevin looked around bemusedly. “That worked real well. Anyway, I’m going to go-”
Suddenly, a pit opened up in the floor of the locker room. Falling into its bottomless chasm, Kevin’s screaming form receded until it was invisible. Then, as quickly as it opened, the pit closed itself up, leaving no trace of its murderous existence.
Nikola smiled. “I love doing that.”
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