This video has edited caption in English.

My name is Xanthe Wyse.

My main current diagnoses are bipolar 1 disorder (which has full mania) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Have had over 3 years of therapy with a clinical psychologist for PTSD and I am on minimal medications with adjustments as needed. Although most of my processing was self-directed with creative expression (usually involving movement to music).

My third diagnosis is social anxiety disorder which is usually mild these days. It was a huge thing for me to do this channel and show my vulnerability and I did get targetted at times for it. I haven't shown the worst on camera because I have been too vulnerable.

Bipolar is a mood disorder with elevated moods (mania, hypomania) and low mood (depression) and can have both at the same time (mixed features). I tend to slur my speech more when in mood episodes and also mix up my words more.

My presentation of PTSD is mostly avoidance and shutdowns, which includes shutting down intense emotions. I can also be triggered into high or low mood.

Much of my processing has been with movement to music, as movement is the opposite of shutting down. My shutdowns are not as severe as they used to be. When my shutdowns have been severe, I can't speak or hear or move or feel anything (catatonic).

Elevated and depressed mood not as severe either. What clinicians call bipolar and PTSD are tangled together for me. When my mood is elevated, I get a LOT of energy and dancing to music can be one way to discharge it.

This is the second time I have made a compilation with some extracts. It takes me a very long time to edit, so hopefully, this can help with seeing some of the changes. Extracts taken from 2021 and 2022 videos.

Some of it was referring to the cyberbullying that happened in 2021, by some strangers online claiming to be autistic, mad at me because I stopped calling myself autistic after an assessment came back traits not meeting threshold. Plus they were mad at me for having the opinion that self-diagnosis is unwise.

The cough where shortness of breath is mentioned is significant as it got worse and shortly after recording, I was admitted to hospital for tests for heart attack. Doctors concluded was anxiety from PTSD constantly activated from the stress of the cyberbullying.

My first compilation is currently my most viewed video (elevation into a mania episode) which was my creative processing, before therapy when I was off medications.

My books:
[ Ссылка ]

My art at therapy:
[ Ссылка ]

свернуть