When a person says or does things that hurt you remember that reconciliation is never a requirement of true forgiveness. Yes Jesus said we all need to forgive everyone who ever hurt us (Matt 18:21-35) but that doesn’t mean you allow them to stay in your life forever. Jesus tried to stay away from the Pharisees as much as He could. If the people who have hurt you have not repented and truly changed over time then they will continue to hurt you again and you can never heal so you cannot trust them. This includes parents, spouses, anyone who abused you. David never reconciled with Saul who tried to kill him. Joseph never reconciled with Potiphar’s wife who lied about him and got him thrown into jail for 3 years.

When you forgive a person who has hurt you then you do it in your heart to Jesus and not to the person who hurt you. If the person has hurt you deeply it can be very hard to forgive so ask Jesus to show you how your abuser was hurt and you will see they got hurt when they were young (often from a parent or relative) and how they never could forgive and got demons because of the unforgiveness. So then choose to forgive them for causing you to feel…. and then name off all your hurtful emotions such as you felt rejected, mocked, not good enough, hated, angry, sad, dumb, etc and then give all those emotions to Jesus to heal you. Then command every demonic spirit that attached to your soul to go to the pit in Jesus name. You know you have forgiven when you rarely ever think about the person again and if you do then you aren’t angry or bitter or have any tears. You can even pray for them.

Never allow an abusive person back into your life unless they have truly repented and changed and you have observed their changed behavior over a year or longer. Don’t let them dupe you because they are very good actors and actresses. Many spouses who are controlling and mean cause their spouse to need to separate and then will put on a good act in order to get their abused spouse to come back but then will become extremely controlling and vindictive because the victim dared to get away from them. They need to be healed from their childhood soul wounds and delivered from their demons and then they can truly change.

An abusive spouse has actually abandoned the marriage. Abuse is much worse than abandonment, involving the use of something holy (marriage) for demonic ends. Abuse of a spouse or a child is exactly what God condemns everywhere in the Bible—the leveraging of power to hurt the vulnerable (Ps. 9:18; Isa. 3:14–15; Ezek. 18:12; Amos 2:7; Mark 9:42; etc




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