Dissolving: negating the idealized snapshot of you in the narcissist's mind (internal object).
Playing on amplifying the narcissist’s abandonment anxiety
Note down positive, negative sentences about you. Repeatedly negate the positive, uphold the negative.
Grey Rock
Defiance: Intelligent? Act dumb Drop; Drop dead gorgeous? Neglect yourself, dress against his wishes.
Physical weakness, illness, disability lead to catastrophizing (anticipation of looming death) and amplify abandonment anxiety.
PSYCHOLOGICAL ROOTS
Schizoid core is self-sufficient but empty, no sense of being.
Infant turns to mother’s response to feel alive.
He internalizes an external object (the mother) in order to control it.
Infant wants to be desired by mother (an object of desire), to seduce her as irresistible, admirable, exciting.
But wants mother to freely choose to become love slave, an internal object (tyrannical baby, terrible twos). He also wants exclusivity.
But baby ends up objectifying itself, losing its own subjectivity:
1. As object of desire; and
2. Identifies his subjectivity with the object’s view of him as an object
Alienation: his self is the look of the other (mother) and his otherness gives rise to it (from the outside)
Baby wants to disappear, become invisible in order to avoid objectification
He rejects the exciting object of desire aggressively
This leads to approach-avoidance during the separation-individuation phase.
Narcissists are fixated at this stage of life (are 2 years old).
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