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Reciprocation is an extremely effective technique to stimulate a relationship of favor-giving and compliance. It works in a very straight-forward way: you should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided to you. At a glance, not much to it, right? In reality, however, this rule has stood the test of time like no other, and has been a driving force in society from as early as the first written historical documents date.

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What all of this essentially means, is that if a colleague invites you to their house warming, it becomes your obligation to invite them to a gathering of your own. If a friend does you a favor, you should do one in return, and so on. The reciprocity rule is so strongly entrenched in our society that we become obliged to repay kindnesses, invitations, and gifts. And the best aspect of it is that when under a feeling of obligation, individuals are much more likely to say yes to a request!

At the core of the rule is that it enforces uninvited debts. For example, studies and experience have shown time and again that a marketing strategy that has a free sample component creates a relationship of indebtedness between the merchant and the buyer. The strategy is effective because the person who receives the unexpected gift has a few limited options to reciprocate. Depending on what the context is, the individual can either agree to listen to the product’s description, donate to the cause being presented to them, or, say, tip their waiter or waitress more money.

This technique is based on a very simple principle: you maximize your chances of receiving a “yes!” by first making a larger request that will most likely be turned down. After the refusal, you make a smaller request, which is actually what you were initially interested in. At this point your conversation partner will likely be feeling like you made a concession and somehow did them a favor, therefore creating a need in them to respond with a concession of their own, and the only option they have immediately available to them would be your second request.

One thing you could do is remember that you only need to reciprocate the favor for what it actually is. In that sense, if the initial gift turns out to simply be a device or a trick devised to motivate us to return the favor with interest, then it is not a gift and doesn’t need to be returned. The reciprocation rule states “Meet a favor with a favor”. It does not say, however, respond to a trick with a favor.

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