The narcissist is capable of having pseudointimate relationships that do not involve a shared fantasy. In such liaisons, he is indifferent and dismissive, but not abusive.

Within a shared fantasy, the narcissist snapshots (introjects) his partner and then idealizes the resultant internal object.

Henceforth, the narcissist abusively coerces his partner into conforming to this inner representation of her (avatar) in his mind.

This course of action guarantees the ultimate dissolution of the bond via devaluation and discard and the long sought after separation from a maternal figure.

The narcissist’s partners end up abandoning him, triangulating or mortifying him with infidelity or other forms of betrayal in a desperate attempt to jump start the moribund relationship (a cry for help, having been exposed to the narcissist’s inexorable betrayal fantasy), or succumbing and becoming a figment in his fantasy.

When his partner consents to suspend her autonomy and agency and give in to the shared fantasy, separation-individuation fails.

Resentful and frustrated, the narcissist defeminizes and maternalizes the obsequious partner: the relationship becomes sexless and transactional.

She becomes a full-fledged mother figure, free to have sex and romance with others, but always at the beck and call of the permanently infantilized narcissist.

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