A parody from the movie The Downfall (Der Untergang) depicting Putin's staff meeting about the invasion of Ukraine.

Subtitles:
(Note: contains some minor updates)

Woman in hallway:
- Is it true that the invasion of Ukraine is failing?

Officer:
- I can't tell you.

Woman:
- Tell me everything you know!

Second officer:
- There is no invasion. It is a special military operation.

Woman:
- I've heard of many casualties.
- Zelenskyi said they'll fight to the end. Their military is motivated in defending their home.

Second officer:
- Don't believe the Nazi propaganda. It's fantasy. Trust only Channel One Russia.

Woman:
- We have both seen it. You can't deny we're losing.

Second officer:
- That's enough of this.

Second woman:
- Your momma is fat!

Officer in meeting:
- Our conscripts are stuck at the suburbs of Kyiv.
- A street sign said "Go fuck yourself". The troops got lost.
- A whole convoy was destroyed by a Turkish-made drone at Bayaktar.
- Our tanks have run out of petrol and can't proceed.

Putin:
- No worries. We'll just use our war chest to buy more tanks and planes.

Officer:
- Mr Putin... our war chest

Second officer:
- Our funds have been seized. The exchange rate has plummeted.
- Our worthless money is too coarse even as toilet paper.

Putin:
- Any oligarchs who still have money, stay in the room. All others leave.

- This was supposed to be an easy invasion! "Three days and Kyiv is ours", you said.
- That Ukrainian actor is more popular than ever. He makes me look ridiculous!
- We're forbidden from entering even the gayest event in the world, the Eurovision Song Contest!
- Bearded transvestites sing there!
- We're banned from the Ice Hockey Championships! We have lost face in the eyes of the world.

Officer:
- Mr Putin, we still control the media.

Putin:
- Our TV and newspapers were hacked! Now they tell the TRUTH!

Officer:
- We can't control the flow of information.

Putin:
- Your incompetence is the fault. You're as dull as these pencils.
- It's all your fault!
- You told me you could set up social media troll accounts and lure the people into believing anything.
- Now my spokeperson's daughter is posting pacifist garbage on Twitter!
- We were born in the USSR! The state controls everything! How can you let a drug gang ruin it all?
- As the Finns say, this is PERKELE!
- Have you seen the memes circulating about me?
- I should have starved those Ukrainian bastards to death just like Stalin.
- We could have had it all. The full glory of the USSR.
- My fishing photos in every media. Europe fearing my every word.

- I'm a joke.

- I have to wipe my ass in rubles instead of super-soft triple-layer Western toilet paper!
- As if my hemorrhoids were not painful enough.
- The people are protesting because they get their news from Western social media.
- Even our Facebook block is leaking.

Woman in hallway:
- Don't worry, TikTok still works.

Putin:
- We have lost respect of the West.
- What about our allies? Hungary and Kazakhstan? I trust they're still on our side.
- Are they?

- The scam failed.
- You cowards didn't have the balls to stop me from making my biggest mistake.
- I should have stopped at Crimea.
- Go fuck yourselves.

Officer in hallway:
- Is he going to use nukes against NATO?

Putin:
- Lyudmila... one thing
- Why aren't you using a face mask? I've told you I fear COVID.
- Even at a crisis like this we can't let germs get to us.

#Ukraine #Putin #Hitler #DownfallParodies

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