Withdrawal and avoidance to punish others for their lack of appreciation, self-soothing.
Hoovering possible only after internal mortification, but most narcissists convert internal to external and do not hoover
Refusal to grow up: remaining childless
Women: not attractive anymore, not a man, a pussy, weasel, weakling, wuss, jejeune, and worse. Narc accused me of pretending to be a narc and a psycho when I am actually just an average guy. So, to be a narc is only for cool dudes, a privilege, an exclusive club. Narcs are seriously deluded and intellectually challenged.
Mental illness not humiliating, shame, or embarrassing - no stigma.
I am never a man to my woman and this does not let her be a woman. In my Guru Father role, she is merely an audience; when I am a Genius Child, she is a mother on probation. Self-emasculation lead to defeminization, castration, aversion, sexlessness, and extramarital affairs.
I accept that, in order to persevere and survive within my increasingly more sexless shared fantasy (in which I am intermittently a child or a father, but never an adult man), my woman has to meet her sexual and emotional needs with (other) men.
Q: Why do you accept the asymmetry: she is cheating with others while you are at home waiting for her like a cuck or a soy boy?
Cucks derive sexual pleasure and are aroused when their partners have sex with others. I don’t. I am totally indifferent, not even romantically jealous. Just oblivious.
I accept that I am not allowed to do the same. I acquiesce in this asymmetry for various reasons:
A. She is an adult and I am not - she needs mature, conventional, reciprocated, and reglar sex and intimacy, I don't. So, I have to compromise and sacrifice in order to secure her presence and commitment to the relationship;
B. I can have sex only within a shared fantasy (a new relationship) while she can compartmentalize and not abandon me;
C. Any new shared fantasy will end the same way, so why bother? As long as I am getting supply and services (however meager), better stay put and forget about sex. I move on to a new shared fantasy only when 2 of the 3 Ss are missing at which point the woman had come to replicate my bad, dead mother and failed in her role as a good enough mother;
D. Only mentally ill, broken, damaged and traumatized women will succumb to my psychosexuality and enter the shared fantasy and this poses serious risks (exposure, blackmail, suicide, criminal liability). Scouting for a new shared fantasy is an absolute desperate last resort;
E. I successfully sublimate my autoerotic sadistic kinky sex drive: I really prefer learning and entertainment to sex and am far more gratified by these solitary activities. My biological drive is entirely satisfied with porn. My psychosexual kink and sadism require a compliant live body, but the prize is not worth the price: I suppress my urges, exactly the same way practitioners of other paraphilias (like pedophilia) do. Plus, rejecting women, frustrating, and humiliating them when I cannot have them for my sadistic pleasures feels as good as sex.
In shared fantasy not protective, but possessive; when there is a risk of abandonment, I am both both; in the bargaining phase, I am neither.
I feel humiliated that I can never have a woman that is only mine, can’t keep or satisfy my women, that other men, far inferior to me intellectually, often predator scum, pick them up in my presence, capture their hearts, minds, or bodies if even for a night. Like a cripple or an unemployed who cannot provide for his family: an inadequate invalid.
Women are angry at me that I push them back into the cesspool that is the dating scene and to drunkenness, to be molested by scum who regard them as sluts because they are married or in a relationship.
Women go to any length to cheat on me (even with strangers, their repellent abusers, petty criminals, pedophiles, alcoholics) for 4 reasons:
1. Meet their emotional and sexual needs for sex, intimacy, succor, attention, passion, desire, flirting, seduction/chase, etc. with a man;
2. Regain or buttress their self-esteem, self-confidence, and sense of femininity and desirability;
3. Reconstitute a proper reality testing (counterbalance my gaslighting and the inexorable pull of the shared fantasy) as well as a sense of normalcy (which is a relief, like waking up from a persistent nightmare);
When stalked in the shared fantasy and in the bargaining phase (having been ignored and pushed away forcefully), to ...
4. Force me to breakup with them, get rid of me by behaving so egregiously so as to mortify me.
I seek inferior or much younger women because: 1. They will accept kinky sex more readily 2. They will mother me because they have nothing else to do 3. I can play the Father role with them more convincingly and for longer.
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