(Amy): Ready?
(Rachel): Yeah.

(Amy): Ta-da.

(Rachel): You pierced her ears?

(Amy): Doesn’t it make her nose smaller?

(Rachel): You pierced her ears? How could you do this without telling me?

(Amy): Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, now would it?

(Chandler): I think she looks cute. But I’m wrong.

(Rachel): Oh my God. Oh my God. Here comes Ross. He’s gonna flip out.

(Amy): Why, did something happen to his falafel cart?

(Ross): Hey guys.

(Chandler): Ross.

(Ross): Hi Emma. Oh why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely
see.

(Rachel): I don’t really want her to see.

(Ross): Why not?

(Monica): Because there are so many terrible sights in this world.

(Chandler): Like war. Or that thing in Joey’s refrigerator. Remember? It was in milk carton, but it looked like meat?

(Ross): Come here. Come here. There she is. Hi. What?

(Rachel): Nothing.

(Ross): Hi. What--? [ GASPS] Please tell me those are clip-ons!

(Rachel): Oh, they’re real.

(Ross): Did she do this to her? I told you we shouldn’t have left Emma with her!

(Rachel): I know. And you were right, Ross. OK? You are so irresponsible! I am never letting you babysit again!

(Amy): You know what? This kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool, fun aunt.

(Monica): I’m a cool, fun aunt.

(Amy): Okay.

(Chandler): Hey! Monica can be a cool, fun at organized indoor projects.

(Rachel): I can’t believe all I wanted to do was help you try to figure out what to do with your life. And this is how you repay me?

(Amy): well, I don’t need you to help me. Because I already know what I’m gonna do with my life.

(Rachel): Oh, yeah? Since when?

(Amy): Since today. I am going to be a baby stylist.

(Rachel): what?

(Ross): That’s not a thing!

(Amy): Well, it should be. I’m gonna help babies learn how to accessorize, what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming

(Rachel): Babies don’t care if they’re slim!

(Amy): Enter Amy.

(Ross): Amy, I –I just ---I just wanna

(Amy): What? What are you gonna do?

(Ross): No more falafel for you!

(Rachel): Joey, get Amy’s bag. She is moving out.

(Joey): Woo-hoo!

(Amy): You’re kicking me out?

(Rachel): you put holes in my baby’s ears.

(Amy): At least now people will know she’s a girl!

(Rachel): [GASPS] I can’t believe I ever even tried to help you. You are so beyond help.

(Amy): You know what? Ever since I got here, you have been nothing but negative.

(Rachel): Excuse me?

(Amy): You didn’t want me to marry an old guy with the great apartment. Then I tried to help you daughter de-emphasized her flaws—and suddenly I’m the bad guy?

(Rachel): Joey, where are those bags?

(Joey): She has a lot of crap!

(Amy): You know what? When I moved in here, I thought, “This will be so great.” Just us sisters back together again like when we were kids. Except without that stupid Jill. Oh, who has gotten fat, by the way.

(Rachel): Seriously?

(Amy): Mom said she gained like 15 pounds.

(Rachel): Hips or thighs?

(Amy): Ass and face.

(Rachel): Oh my God. I thought she was on Atkins.

(Amy): She was. Carbs found her. See this is what I wanted. Two sisters talking about real stuff.

(Rachel): Oh, I can give you that.

(Amy): You can?

(Rachel): Yeah. I kept trying to make you a better person, but you’re… you’re already a pretty perfect version of what you are.

(Amy): Thank you. You gotta admit, Emma does look cute.

(Rachel): Did you just say “Emma”?

(Amy): Oh I’m sorry. Ella.

(Rachel): So how’s the, uh, baby-styling business going?

(Amy): Not that great. It’s almost as if people don’t want to hear that their babies are ugly.

(Rachel): That’s shocking.

(Amy): There’s Ross. Hey, Ross. Hello, Ross. He’s rude.

-END-

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