When you find out your husband has been looking at pornography, it can be devastating, even traumatizing. Your whole life has changed. Often, it’s not just porn, it’s that he has a secret, that he lied to you, that he couldn’t trust you. You can feel violated, confused, betrayed and so many other emotions.
If you are in that state between finding out and talking to your husband, Dr. Weiss has some principles that can help guide you through this situation. The discussion you have with him may not go smoothly so it’s best to be prepared. Have a plan for yourself (where to have this talk, some things to ask, the kind of support you’ll need afterwards) and make sure that he makes a plan (not just a promise) for himself, taking the necessary steps to rectify this if he so chooses.
Does he want to stop? If he doesn’t, then this will be a reoccurring discussion. However, if he wants to, he can make a plan of what to do and what resources to utilize.
Along with the dos and don’ts, remember not to compare yourself to what he’s seeing and don’t take blame for him choosing this behavior. Even if there are issues in the marriage, it does not give him the excuse to do so.
Don’t minimize the hurt and pain that you’re feeling as well. Take care of yourself. Get the support you need from counseling, groups, and available material. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of having a good marriage. Regardless of what has happened, you can heal.
For the DVD Unstuck: [ Ссылка ]
For the book, Partners Healing From His Addiction: [ Ссылка ]
For more information on Partner Betrayal Trauma®, go to [ Ссылка ]
For the book, Partner Betrayal Trauma, visit:
[ Ссылка ]
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Partner Betrayal Trauma ™.
You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, [ Ссылка ] or on his Facebook [ Ссылка ]
by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at heart2heart@xc.org
