Girltalkwithguys.com
Love Bombing explained.
I recently had one of my male subscribers ask me a great question. Why do people love-bomb and what should you do about it when it makes you uncomfortable? Here’s a screenshot of the whole question.
What He meant by love bombing is be overly affectionate way to soon in a relationship and or even saying I love you after just a few dates. Some people pour the affection on way too quick and way too heavy. And of course this is a red flag but it doesn’t always mean something bad. There are a lot of reasons people do this. Here’s four potential reasons people you date may love-bomb you.
1.
The don’t understand the weight and gravity of those words and actions and what it means to us because of their background.
Some people grow up differently. In homes and environments where people just throw those types of words around. In fluffy ultra affectionate families. They learn to be very expressive about their feelings. Often times to a point of exaggeration. They may often use heavier terms of endearment interchangeably with common words. I love you means the same thing as your awesome them. Many of us are very guarded because of the hurt pain or disappointment we’ve experienced. We find it alarming when someone we just met doesn’t have the level of caution. To us I love you means “I would never betray you, Or I would risk my life to save yours.” Different backgrounds different meanings. Sometimes they don’t intend to be disingenuous.
2.
They are trying manufacture your emotional security and connection.
I learned very early in my dating years that the biggest risk to my self esteem wasn’t the girl who told me no, but the girl who told me yes and didn’t mean it. The girl who told me how great I was only to break things off a week later. The girl that would start calling me baby on Monday and ghost me on Thursday. Many times a person lovebombing you is trying to give you a false sense of security. It’s an attempt to fake it until you make it. They have a fear that you’ll notice their doubt before they’ve made their final decision. But they aren’t just trying to convince you. Still being undecided, they are also trying to convince themselves. They do and say lovey dovy crap while their trying to figure out if they can really see their selves with you. Take their affection with a grain of salt.
3.
They feel lonely and insecure and are hoping by sharing love quickly they may receive it.
They are desperate to find a healthy relationship. This person is trying to telegraph their intent to commit to and grow with you, so they jump the gun on the mushy shit. They want you to know that they are yours if you would have them. They don’t want you to question how serious they are about building something real with you. Of course they don’t really love you this soon. But say it while kissing cuddling and holding your hand because they are desperate for you to feel that way about them. They are afraid you may leave them. They just want you to stick around. A lot of nice guys and good girls fall into this behavior when they like someone a lot. They eventually calm down.
4. They are trying to manipulate you
There’s a sucker born every minute. Most conmen and women understand that telling a person what they want to hear is the quickest way to build trust and gain influence over simple mind. If a person is lovebombing you to manipulate it won’t take long for the favors and requests to start rolling in. A con artist usually targets the lonely and desperate type. Because that type will do anything for love.
Pay attention to someone pouring it on thick too soon. One favor usually leads to another with this type. If you’re naive you get taken for your life’s saving.
In many cases you won’t know the reason until you’ve gotten to learn the person a little. As far as what to do about it. Just gently explain that those words or actions aren’t something you normally give or except from a person before a certain time. An emotionally mature person should be able to process that news. I’ve responded to someone saying I love you two weeks in by playfully saying “ i like you too” another girl said it and I smiled at her and said “in due time”. As long as you don’t treat them differently after you make the correction they will get over it.
If your going to be in a relationship with a person they should be able to handle your honest response to their actions. If they cant y’all didn’t have a chance to begin with.
That’s it for now. I’m not taking emails this week. I’m trying to get my T-shirt line together and get some more blogs up.
