What are the signs of shame and Where is shame felt in the body?
In this video, you’ll hear from recovery coach Dr. Bob Weathers as he explains the cognitive, emotional, and physical effects shame can have on a person in recovery.

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The fact is, is that for most of us, we don't we don't see shame. It's invisible to us. So let's talk about that for a second. Why is that the case? I think there's that there's a psychoanalyst Christopher bolus that talks about shame. And he says, it's the unthought known, you know it but you can't think it, you know what, but you can't think it and we can understand that from a brain perspective, easily enough.

Let me start by saying that shame is the most stressful human emotion. So just as a horse would get skittish? Why wouldn't humans get skittish with the most stressful human emotion? How do I know that? Or how do we know that in psychology? psychology measures stress by measuring elevations in stress hormones, the two primary stress hormones are cortisol and adrenaline. Most of us know about adrenaline, cortisol.

The second one, I'll talk about cortisol, just a shorthand for both. The highest cortisol elevation of any human emotion is king. You just you, you, you put somebody in a situation where they experience that feeling, you measure their cortisol, their adrenaline elevation. What's striking about it, Clint, it's a higher elevation of cortisol than anger, you think, Well, wait, wait, wait, isn't the anger more stressful? it's higher than fear. it's higher than fear. it's higher than sadness.

It's highest is the highest elevation, which is the same as the most stressful human emotion. So how that works in the brain. If you think about the emotional center of the brain, right here in the middle of our brain, when survival is challenged, whether it be literal survival or emotional survival, back to the horses in humans, we have three different options. One is to fight. What is the fight, one is to scramble, run, flee that flight, fight or flight, but there's a third emotion or third response, and that's a freeze response?

I don't know if in the I figure you have this in Indiana, we certainly I grew up in Central California. Do you have possums in Indiana? Yeah. When I grew up as a kid, I lived in rural Central California, I'd wake up in the morning, and there'd be more than a few dead possums on the road, which was disturbing.

And I thought why is that? Well, it took me a while it probably asked about it is that possums what possums do when they see something that's threatening their survival. They freeze, they freeze, they play dead and, and so it works. If it's a bear or a coyote where I grew up there with coyotes, it would work because a coyote doesn't want to eat it because they don't want to get poisoned. They don't know how long the pasta has been dead.

But a Ford pickup doesn't care. And but don't it runs over and so possums, unfortunately, died all the time on the roads. Well, we all have a possum inside of us. And that possum is what psychology called shame is that shame is a freeze response. It's like deer in the headlights. possum in the headlines. It's a freeze response. So think about this. If shame is the most stressful human emotion and shame leads me to freeze that how does that show up? You're asking what are some signs of shame? Most of us aren't aware of it, because it's like I said, is the unthought No, but there are signs of it.

I'll tell you what, I'll go back to the example with you and me, Clint, if I accidentally step on your foot, let's I'm just gonna use that as the example. If I have a shame response, if I go down the rabbit hole of I can't believe I did that again. What kind of loser does that he's not going to like me to go down that litany of things like that.

The chances are, I'm going to look to you like a possum, which in human language, I'm going to look indifferent. I won't look alarmed or concerned, I'll look flat like I don't care. I won't be able to make eye contact. You think about it when you've been ashamed. You can't even make eye contact with somebody that's too vulnerable. What happens for me when I'm ashamed, like if I step on your foot, if if I was trapped in shame, I literally want to crawl into a hole. I mean, just get away from this.


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