Coach Adrian shares key relationship communication skills that will help you create the relationship that you want. They have helped save Coach Adrian's relationship many times over. The Happily Committed Project was started with the purpose of empowering couples in order to give them that "love education" that most of us do not get.
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When it comes to relationship communication skills, it is important that we rethink our conception of a relationship. A relationship is not a problem that needs to be resolved. Unfortunately, way too many people approach their relationship as if it were an issue that needed to be solved, one after the next. You dwell on an endless stream of issues that will never end because it is a relationship between two people who are on their own journey, who are going to continuously change, who are going to hurt each other from time to time because no one is perfect.
Stop taking your partner for granted. You need to love your partner as if you were one day going to lose them. We overvalue the things that we don't yet possess or the things that we lost, while undervaluing and under-appreciating the people and things that we have. Be grateful, and love your significant other as if you were going to lose them tomorrow.
Focus on rebuilding a friendship with your spouse. Don't look at him or her as if they were somehow standing in the way of your happiness. Friends don't treat each other that way. You're there for them and there to support them when they need you. Cultivate this same mindset with your significant other.
But the previous point is unattainable if you don't develop empathy. Empathy is a key relationship communication skill and fundamental virtue that is a pillar of all healthy relationships. Without empathy you will make it all about you and you will not be able to truly relate with what they are going through. You won't be able to see the relationship from their point of view. Without this, it is impossible for you to truly communicate with your significant other in an effective way.
The bottom line is that your partner won't listen to you until they feel like you understand them and care about them or the specific emotion they are experiencing. Our ego gets us thinking about our wants and needs and gets us to disregard the feelings of the most important person in our lives.
Learn to validate the emotions that your significant other is feeling. Learn to go in and experience those emotions with them. They need to know you care and that you support them and empathize and relate with them. That is how you inspire your significant other to do the same thing for you and to support you in accomplishing your highest aspirations.
Furthermore, it's important to stop keeping tabs of wrongs. Keeping a list of all the things that your partner doesn't do right, or the things they don't do for you, or the things they can do better, is a very destructive mindset because you are training yourself to focus on the negative aspects of their personality, of their being, and their relationship. That is the best way to live in a terrible relationship, one that is only focused on negativity. It is necessary that you snap out and be in a more positive mindset with your significant other.
With that said, be mindful of your tone of voice, body language, and demeanor. This is a key relationship communication skill because we have had clients that have said the right things to their significant other only to have their words met with disgust, anger, and rancor. The way you say things is key. Your tone of voice and body language has the potential to convey a very different sort of message than the words you are using. Everything needs to be in harmony in order to communicate efficiently. What you think, what you say, and what you do need to be in complete harmony.
Relevant for this video:
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