When a man tells me my wife is verbally abusive I recall the painful moments when I had to figure a way to deal with a verbally abusive wife who would come to sessions for marriage advice with her poor husband. I admit that it was hard to hear her rip into her husband right in front of me. It’s a trained-in inclination of mine to ask myself, what's bringing that on? Usually, and men, don't take this as a "who started it". Usually, the husband is already not that nice to his wife.

By the time the man is actively complaining she's verbally abusive, the cycle has taken root and the momentum of the downward cycle has grown so much that neither of you is nice to each other. Maybe you're passive-aggressive. I never know the other side of the coin.

BUT I DO KNOW AND RECOMMEND a great first step.
the very first step is for you to gain control over how you behave towards your wife. I'm not saying change your behavior, much stronger than that. Change your thinking.
Let me explain. One of the things that we do not learn growing up and nothing in society supports what I'm about to say is that the one tool that we have trumps them all - that's free will. Psychologists love to ask, "Well, what happened when you were a child? Were you abused? How was your father to you? How was your mother to you? What were your siblings like? Where did you go to school? Did you have money? Were you poor? Blah blah blah. blah blah."

They're looking for excuses for your behavior and you know if you have kids or when you were a kid if someone said now, "Did you take that cookie because you were hungry?" "Oh yeah, I was hungry that's why I took the cookie." This is what they do so they feed you the lines and you swallow them hook line and sinker and you sink.


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