Dirk Nowitzki looked so washed at the beginning of the season. I could take my car to a car wash and it would roll out of there looking less washed than Dirk looked in the first half of this season. Perhaps admitting this outs me as not a true Dirk believer, but even his most ardent believers were exchanging worried glances between themselves as Dirk looked about five steps slow whenever he stepped on the court.
Well, Dirk is back into his rhythm, and one could argue that he is having a positive impact on offense right now. I'm sure he's still a trainwreck on defense, but that doesn't concern me. I don't care about defense. I only care about buckets, and, recently, Dirk's been getting plenty of those.
What I'm wondering is, what kind of anti-aging secrets does the German government possess, and why did they only decide to apply them to Dirk around the turn of the new year? You would think that a government in possession of hyper-advanced, time-defying, age-reversing, esoterically concocted remedies would not hesitate to use them on one of their country's most prominent sportsmen. Dirk helped make Germany relevant in the eyes of NBA fans (not to mention coaches, executives, and scouts). If the German government could somehow ensure that Dirk plays right up until the point where it starts getting suspicious (so about two years from now), they would definitely do it. So why the delay?
I've started a letter-writing campaign to not only German government officials, but also the lead research scientists at their most prestigious institutes of higher learning. So far, I've been stonewalled. None want to admit that such anti-aging remedies exist, much less how they work and how distribution of them is controlled. I have half a mind to go over to Germany and find these things out in person, but my knowledge of the German language is limited to three years of German class in high school (I know how to explain to my friends that I have homework and can't play racquetball with them, but I don't know how to grill elite intellects on the secrets of time reversal). So, for now, their secrets remain that: a secret.
But if Dirk reads this and wants to float me some treatments for my study/ingestion, he is more than welcome to.
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