An open letter to Dallas Mavericks Coach Rick Carlisle:

"Dear Rick,

Please give Boban Marjanovic more minutes.

Signed,
-DTB and the Official DTB Serbia Fanclub"

This is literally a letter that I just wrote on fancy stationary (using a fancy gel pen that has glitter in it). Then I put it in a fancy envelope, sealed with way too much of my own saliva, since the saliva represents my metaphorical spitting-upon of Carlisle's rotations). Just now I dropped it off at the post office, addressed to "Dicklick Carlisle, NBA Bubble, Orlando, FL". The return address is the address of my archenemy Dawkins so that nobody will ever trace the letter back to me.

I think everybody can agree with the content of the letter. Boban has shown in the past two games that he can put up points in a hurry. He can also not play defense in a hurry, but if you use "defensive acumen" as a criterion in determining whether or not a player deserve minutes, first off, you can unsubscribe from my channel immediately, and secondly, you're wrong because defense is stupid. Being eight inches taller than all your defenders and scoring over them with ease is awesome. Those are just the straight facts.

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