How to stop being your own worst critic. It has often been said that a person can be their own worst critic. There have probably been at least a handful of moments in your life where you have found yourself wishing you were smarter, or stronger, or more confident than how you perceive yourself at that moment. Listening to that voice in your head can be a strong motivator that can drive you towards bigger and better things-- but what if it’s not always right? What happens when your inner critic becomes a little too critical and begins to unfairly pick away at things we have no control over or tries to find problems where they don’t exist in order to make you feel bad? Why do we do criticize ourselves so harshly compared to others, and what can we do to prevent this?

#Critic #InnerCritic #Psychology

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Why is it that the voice in your head criticizes you so harshly, and in such a way that it would be shocking if another person said something similar to your face? And, more importantly, what can we do when we realize our inner critic is being too severe in order to get them to stop, or at the very least lighten up? How can you stop yourself from becoming your own worst enemy? While this might sound like a daunting task, it can potentially get easier to control your own worst criticisms once you understand where they come from and how you can approach them differently.

In an article for Psychology Today, Margaret Wehrenberg writes about how the way in which you perceive yourself is often different than the way in which you perceive others, and, most likely, how they perceive you. Because of this skewed viewpoint, you can often end up having an unfairly negative image of yourself as a result. Wehrenberg writes:

“When you look at other people, you can see their qualities through their words and actions without hearing the labels they give themselves, while you may not be able to see yourself so objectively. [...] When your self image is rooted in shame, you fear being exposed as flawed, insufficient, or just plain bad.”

In another article for Psychology Today, Jena E. Pincott discusses how feelings of inadequacy or shame can seemingly override all of our other emotions, and as a result, we often end up shaming ourselves before anyone else gets the chance, almost as a way of bracing ourselves when we anticipate external criticism from others. This can sometimes lead to incredible negative results, however, as the instinctive way in which we shame ourselves, in turn, de-motivates us from doing better in the future. Pincott writes:

“Shame, sometimes called the ‘master emotion,’ is the feeling that we're not worthy, competent, or good—that we are, in a sense, rotten at the core. Beating ourselves up is a preemptive gambit to inoculate ourselves from external shaming. Sometimes, the message is: Shame on you if you don't work really, really, really hard. Or, Shame on you if you're not tougher, smarter, and better than you were last time. But sometimes, [...] the message is: Shame on you if you fail, so don't try.”

This can be incredibly harmful, seeing as while your inner critic offers criticism and ways in which you could have done better, it does not provide opportunities to actually grow as a person and better yourself. Instead, that voice in your head begins to tell you not to bother, to stay where you are because, according to it, you’ll most likely fail anyway. What’s the point in applying for that new job, when they’ll probably hire someone who is more skilled than you instead? Why audition for the soccer team when they’ll most likely reject you anyways? This way of thinking traps you in a comfort zone where you feel safe, but are ultimately unable to move forward. No matter what you do, say, or manage to accomplish, it seems as though it will never feel like it’s good enough to satisfy that voice in your head, and as a result, whatever success you do manage to achieve will never feel earned or genuine. So how can you avoid selling yourself short and learn to put yourself out there and take chances at success?

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