Let's talk about emotional affairs. But, first, understand that an emotional affair has to involve a deeper, emotional connection with another person. And the only way we can develop a deep, emotional connection with another person that's reciprocal would be if we're communicating with each other, but not just about mundane, ordinary things. And so, typically, an emotional affair will begin with somebody who's not looking for one. Any positive interaction you have with another person can be the beginning of an emotional affair because the first thing that happens after that vulnerability is that you start having interactions with each other to the point that they gradually begin to cross boundaries.

It can be when you start sharing the deep emotions that you feel. Typically, the way people communicate would be to start telling you things I'm afraid that people might reject me for if they knew. And this emotional affair eventually develops because you gradually cross boundaries by sharing information you shouldn't be sharing. Sometimes the next stage is when you finally admit to yourself, and maybe even to the other person, your emotions toward that person. Until eventually, the admission comes, and you have to admit to yourself, and probably to the other person, that you have crossed boundaries, that you've developed a relationship that you ought not to have because you, or he, or she is married to somebody else.

Sexual affairs don't typically evolve into emotionally solid connections. And so, the stages I've given you here demonstrate the difference between an emotional affair and a sexual affair. I know that it hurts to find that your spouse has been involved with somebody else. And then sometimes that leads to comparing yourself with the other person. It'll lead you to misunderstand not only everybody in the situation, but you will misunderstand yourself as well. Now there are some other things we can discuss. In the last episode of relationship radio, I talked about having an Affair Toolkit. We have one for the spouse who feels they are being cheated on and one for the spouse who is involved with somebody else.

And so, what are the stages of an emotional affair? A friendship that gradually crosses boundaries. And before that, there is some vulnerability, but then friendship gradually crosses boundaries. And then finally, at some point, admission to yourself and probably to the other person of the depth of the emotion you feel toward that person. And then another step is accepting and justifying the emotional affair. I know I'm violating what should be occurring with my husband or wife by having this kind of intimacy, openness, transparency, and vulnerability with another person. But I accept the fact that I'm doing that. I don't feel guilty about it anymore. And I get justified by explaining, this is what it does for me. And then finally, if they get to that final step of leaving a marriage, that would be the stages they go through.

We have another episode of relationship radio where we'll be talking about the same thing. Emotions are difficult to change just because you want them to. So, fear that my spouse is involved with somebody else, you can't just will that away. Love for my spouse is now turning into great pain because I think they don't love me in the same way I love them.

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My spouse had an affair: Recovery Toolkit
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I had an affair: Recovery Toolkit
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